Guilty for what?

Have you ever wanted something for yourself that made you feel guilty?

One of the most debilitating and most energy draining experiences is Guilt. I believe that guilt is usually self sabotage. I think that women carry ideals that are placed by standards of our environment; how to be a better mom, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter, a better employee. Sometimes all of those things combined with each other stirs us in a shame loop.

The weight of being a great woman is a heavy burden.

Women are notoriously emotional creatures. You wouldn’t want to look crazy! *heavy sigh*

The issue I want to talk about is misplaced SHAME attached to guilt.

We want to be at our best, that version of ourselves that we want others to see. Sometimes “keeping up with the Joneses”. You know dang well the Jonses have their own heavy-life-crap they don’t show the world. Don’t base your circumstances on the pretty version you see other people living on Instagram. When you start comparing your life to others you’re sure to waste your valuable energy. Especially when your shame is attached to something you feel like you can’t control - like how you think someone else will react if you do the thing, participate in the thing, buy the thing.

That’s the self sabotage! Not allowing yourself to have that happiness because you’ll feel guilty for someone else's feelings. Overthinking about something until it’s too late and you miss an opportunity. Creating obstacles for yourself so you can’t commit to something you’re excited about. Spending money on gifts for others to justify your wanting something nice for yourself, (even though you didn’t even buy it). Feeling guilty for being successful at work because you’re not spending as much time at home with your family. Or feeling guilty because you have a family and that makes it hard to be an excellent employee.

Other times we are told directly that someone else would handle our situation differently and that causes shame. Here’s the thing, nobody is you. So if you’re experiencing guilt placed on you by someone else you need to ask yourself first if their opinion even holds value to your situation. How does that person impact your life and will your choices even have an impact on them? If not then you’re doing too much. If they are directly impacted then you still need to decide what is more important and cut the loop. Decisions aren’t always going to be easy when you’re stuck with an either-or choice. How can you juggle being a mom and start committing to a gym routine? Where will the money come from when you decide you want to splurge on a real nice pair of boots? The people who are closest to you should understand how this thing will make you feel. Stronger, prettier, more comfortable, closer to your dreams. If they are making you feel guilty and you think it’s unfair- talk about it. Tell the truth. You have to ask who is looking out for you?? Remember to take care of you before you take care of others.

This is where I like to look at your day like your budget.

Prioritize your hours like dollars. Take some time to evaluate your week & each day and be mindful of what will make you feel confident, peaceful, & happy! Draining your energy is more expensive than draining your bank account.

Lesson in Grace- My time is more valuable than money

When the day is over and you’re ready to lay down how can you do it without holding on to guilt? If you spend 3 hours in a guilt-shame loop and don’t get the dishes done you’re probably not going to feel good about it. Don’t allow yourself to waste your daily budget! Okay, that crappy conversation with your mom happened. How can you feel good when you’re not hitting that minimum standard?

Focus on what’s next. You can’t change what has already happened but you CAN flip that “ugh I suck” to “I won’t suck tomorrow because I know how to change it”. Tomorrow you won’t sit and scroll through that Facebook group instead of helping the kids with homework. Tomorrow you will go for a walk before you do dishes to help build up some good energy. Tomorrow you will set 3 alarms so you get up earlier and have time to get that goal accomplished.

Look for exits to improve your thought pattern. Instead of “I can’t do this” ask yourself “how can I do this?” don’t allow yourself to sabotage a good thing. Feeling less than, or guilty for wanting to improve your own situation is robbing you of your glory.

Allow yourself to feel good, allow yourself the grace to achieve success. Sometimes as women we stack so much on our plate we can’t carry it anymore. Take the time to look at your day in chunks of time and fill in those chunks with the important stuff. Eliminate some of those draining tasks that rob us of our happiness. Picture that version of yourself you want to show up as and budget her into your day.

Did you spend some good time with the kids? You stuck to your budget! Did you spend an hour on that project? You stuck to your budget! Did you decide that dinner was just too much for you to do today? That’s okay! So? you’re not making yourself crazy and you’re happier with that cheese pizza and wings! You can change the budget when it’s what is best for your situation today. You stick to your daily budget when you feel good about your choices. Feeling shame and guilt for doing something positive for yourself and your life is a waste of your time and energy. Healthy choices should never carry shame. Make time for yourself to be good to yourself. You can be your best friend or you can be your worst critic but the hours will pass either way. How would you like to spend that time?

XO

Taryn